Transitions At Their Finest

This started out with my friend visiting from Arizona over 4th of July weekend and became a really random post about pretty much nothing. See for yourself!

I feel inspired to blog and yet I have nothing really exciting to blog about. And of course I have no pictures which makes it even less exciting to read. My best friend since elementary school came and stayed with me for three nights and four days which was really exciting for me, but not exactly exciting for others to read about. But I'll talk about it anyway!

She came up here on a whim and it worked out almost perfectly that I was able to rearrange my schedule so we could spend as much time as possible together. I found out on Monday that she was going to be in Salt Lake on tuesday, but I didn't get to pick her up until Thursday due to work and school. Although it was 4th of July weekend and we had plans with Nick's family on friday and saturday, missing out on the festivities was a sacrifice I was willing to make to see a friend I don't get to see often enough.

It felt like we were in high school again. Not that being in high school is necessarily a good thing, but there are definitely things about "that life" that I miss. One is having friends where conversation comes easily and reminiscing is shared in rather than explained to people who don't really care because they weren't there to experience it. I definitely miss being able to talk about the past with people who were actually there!

My friend has the sweetest little boy who's only 3 months and let me tell you... if I didn't want a baby before, I definitely do now! :) He seriously is so dang cute! And he smiles ALL the time. It was almost harder to see him leave at the end of their visit than my friend... almost! And now that they're gone I can't stop thinking about how precious he is and how the next time I see him he'll be crawling and holding his own bottle. It makes me sad that I miss out on those things in her life because we used to dream about growing old together and raising our kids together and being next door neighbors. I know, every kid says the same thing, but we meant it and somewhere along the way my life took me to Utah, never to return to Arizona again.

I used to pretend that Nick and I would one day move back to Arizona. In fact I once said the only way I'd have a baby is if my first child was born in Arizona... where we lived. (He tried to convince me I'd spend my last trimester at my parents house so my family could be around for the birth. HA!) But Nick and I have been married for 4 years and Arizona doesn't look to be anywhere on the radar and I'd like to think babies aren't that far away for us. Althought I've been thinking that for the last 4 years now so who knows?!

The idea of actually having a baby scares me a LOT. Some friends were over for book club tonight and of course child birth became a topic of conversation (even though it had nothing to do with the book, it's just what young moms talk about!) Anyway, the things they said tied my stomach in knots. I guess it's not so much that I'm scared for the delivery, but more it just gives me anxiety because I've never done it before. And it didn't help that after I heard their stories I read this blog slash horror story of the after effects a friend of mine is going through and she didn't leave anything up for the imagination to decide! Although I'm grateful for her honesty because I feel the more I know the less nervous I am, at the same time it introduces new fears about things I wasn't aware could happen...!

Oh who am I kidding? At the rate we're going we'll never have kids so no sense worrying! We still have 2 years of school each at full time schedules and with stupid work schedules it makes it hard to go to school full time and have time for homework. I wish we were willing to take a leap of faith and put school first, but it makes me nervous to find jobs that will work around school when we're comfortable where we're at and know how things work. I don't understand how young, married couples can go to school full time and work part time and raise a family. It just doesn't make sense to me!

School is really hard for me lately. My parents never cared about the grades we got in school so in turn I didn't care much. I never really learned good study habits or discipline when it comes to homework. My math class is homework overload and I can't plow through it because I struggle to understand the concepts so it's really hard for me to sit down for 4 hours a night working on the one subject that brings me to tears faster than any other thing on this planet. Seriously! I HATE MATH!!! But I think I hate it more when I hear people say they enjoy doing math because I just can't fathom the idea!

Lucky for me, Nick is a math genious and can help me understand it, or rather help me get through my homework, but it's really discouraging sometimes that it comes so easily for him and is so foreign to me. It makes me feel stupid when I don't get it. And I don't get it a LOT! And taking this math class is making me relive my high school days when I would come home from school and try to do my homework and instead just cry because I didn't get it and there was nobody there to explain it to me. Ugh, I definitely don't miss those days!

I guess it's time for me to realize what my strong points are because when I focus on my weaknesses I get discouraged and right now I'm feeling that way with school. Nick thinks I need to major in something that does with being creative and helping people because I enjoy creating things and doing community service, which makes me sound like I have no real talent at all. Unfortunately I don't think a major like that exists! And I really enjoy the classes I'm taking for my major, it's just the stupid general classes that get in the way of my happiness! But we talked about that too and the importance of having a general knowledge in several things rather than a plethora of knowledge in one thing. (It was our sunday school discussion.)

I think it's safe to say this post is incredibly random and pointless. That's what happens when all you do is go to work and school, and do homework. Sorry to bore you with the details!