Saturday, May 4, 2013

Nick on his Graduation
     I am grateful for the congratulations and support that I've received, but the credit should really go to my family.  In fact, I view my education as a failure.  I should have graduated 10 years ago.  Sara deserved to have a husband who was successfully in a career and able to support her.  Shasta and Shelby deserved to have a father whose life was stable, who could devote specific time to them, and who could give them all they wanted and needed.  Instead, they got me, a 35 year-old history major with no clear idea of what to do next.  It might be okay if I was 25; I wouldn't feel like the runner who slept in, that I'm starting my race ten years late.  I will be at a disadvantage and struggle to keep up with an energetic and innovative work force.
    Yet while I may not be happy with the race I've run, I am proud that I ran it.  Robert Frost's poem about comparing his life to roads in the woods failed to mention the small deer trail off to the right.  The path I took was no road at all; it was a direction.  I lost connection to the people I was journeying with, lost sight of my destination and goals.  I even spent time resting and lost track of time.
     But the path I took was beautiful and unique, despite being long, frustrating, trying, and treacherous.  I saw quiet meadows and pristine lakes.  I walked with wildlife who had been displaced by forest fires, and struggled against ever changing weather and terrain.  I think my journey taught me a little more about sacrifice, true love and devotion, priorities, percistence in the face of adversity, and yes, even a little bit more about patience.  Throughout it all, I was able to walk among the young while viewing them with old eyes.
     And there are a lot of reasons why it took me so long to graduate.  The first reason is because I had an amazing, once in a lifetime job working for the church's AudioVisual Department.  I will always look back with envy on those seven years working for the chuch.  I was doing something I loved doing, maybe for the last time in my life.  Most importantly, I made friendships that will hopefully last for eternity; my closest friends outside my family and my first friend Brandon Bowen.  In fact, it was probably Christian Baker that showed me the deer trail to begin with.
     The second reason is that I took a lot of classes I didn't need to take.  While this was more of a negative, there are classes that I didn't need to take that made college worth it.  Of course, those who know me know of the 13 semesters of volleyball.  That was where I made the most friends at school, and some of the closest.  I've told Sara that I get twitchy when I haven't played in a while, and it was the most enjoyable aspect of going to class every day.  I even went after I broke my hand and couldn't play for the rest of the semester.  Along with that, I had theater, journalism, and film classes that ended up being just empty credits, but that created lasting memories.  I failed engineering, chemistry, and computer science classes, learning that God had other plans for me.  I didn't think I could do something I love and get paid for it.  I may not still, but at least I have accomplished this goal with that idea in mind.
     The last thing that slowed my schooling was my family (or lack thereof).  Before I met Sara, most of my energy was spent thinking about how to find a wife, and I was a little distracted.  After we were married, the original plan was for Sara to (quickly) finish school, and then I would finish.  After a year, and realizing the ridiculous process of schooling at UCMT, we changed our plan and put my schooling first.  We moved to Logan.  Our decision to have a baby forced me to stop trying to do what the world wanted me to do and make a choice about what I could get done quickly (because I would enjoy it), so I chose history.  The one and only semester where I went full time at Utah State ended up being the semester where Shasta was born two months early, a week before finals.  Of course, her little sister came at about the same time two weeks before finals of my final semester, the semester when I decided to take two of the most difficult and time consuming classes of my college career.  And the whole time, I worked full time+ to ensure my family was provided for meagerly, hoping to one day give them a better life. 
     So while I appreciate the well-wishes, and especially the well-wishers, instead, you should congratulate Sara for all that she's done and all that she's sacrificed so that I could do what I should have done before I met her.  You should congratulate Shasta for how resilient she's been in being passed around from baby-sitter to baby-sitter, and for how forgiving she is when her dad is grumpy.  Especially congratulate our Heavenly Father who once again has performed an impossible mirace and gotten me through the deer trail that has made all the difference.  To end, I want to share the lyrics to a folk song that demonstrates my full heart today as I graduate.

Once I stood at the foot of a great high mountain
That I wanted so much to climb.
At the top of this mountain was a beautiful fountain
That flowed with the waters of life.
I fell down on my knees at the foot of this mountain
crying 'Lord, what must I do.
I want to climb this moutnain, I want to drink from this fountain
That flows so clear in my view.'
Then I heard a sweet voice from the top of this mountain
Saying 'child put your hand in mine.
Start climbing upward, watch your step at the edges
And take one step at a time.'
I started climbing upward, taking one step at a time,
The higher I got, the harder I climbed.
I'm still climbing upward, and my journey's almost ended.
I'm nearing the top, and you ought to see the view.
Oh, the water flows freely, there's enough here to make you free
So friends if you're thirsty, climb this moutnain with me.
 
Jack White. "Great High Mountain". Cold Mountain.

1 comment:

Josh and Kaleena said...

For Nick:
Well, even though running has nothing to do with graduating, you did mention it, so I will just tell you one of my favorite quotes about running which applies. "Dead last finish is greater than did not finish, which trumps did not start."
I've never run a race that I didn't wish I had done a few (or a lot) of things different. But the night before the first marathon I ran Dad said to me, "Enjoy the moment,"-which just like you said, sounds like you did in school.
And I sure hope that you're not serious about possibly never finding a job you love again. Just like I tell Josh, even if it takes a while to find it, I hope you never stop searching, because you're going to be working for 40 hours a week for the rest of your life-so how much better would it be if it was something you loved doing. This is only the beginning.
And last, it may have taken you awhile, but you could be me-7 years later, and still missing school. At least you probably won't be missing school anytime soon!
Congrats again! You are amazing!