WHAT???
I hadn't even seen my doctor yet. Why was it such an emergency to have a c-section? That wasn't at all how I saw my morning going and suddenly I was in panic mode. My doctor peeked around the corner and said hi to me and in my bravest voice I asked if I could talk to him. I was trying super hard not to cry! He said we could talk once I got downstairs, but he wanted to get me and my baby on monitors.
Nick gathered our crap, I climbed into a wheelchair, Shasta climbed onto my lap, and off we went. Once we were on the delivery floor I changed into a gown and sat in the bathroom and cried. I was SO nervous thinking about having a c-section. Even though I had done it before, this time I was going to be awake and have a spinal block. Yikes. I pulled myself together and climbed into bed to be hooked up to monitors yet again.
After a while my doctor came in and talked to us. He sat on the bed next to me as he always does... his bedside manner is one of my favorite things about him! He told me he couldn't believe I was still pregnant and that I must have been praying really hard for his return! I told him he had no idea! He said there was 11,000 grams of protein in my urine. Remember how I said 5+ was considered high risk? 5+ sits at 5,000 grams and I was over 11,000. That was news to me! I'm glad they didn't tell me that sooner since stress was already working against me all week. Anyway, he explained that if I was only 24-28 weeks pregnant then each day I was still pregnant would make a big difference for baby. But being nearly 33 weeks pregnant, each day wasn't going to change her development that much. He said he felt like at this point keeping me pregnant was too risky because it could turn ugly fast and it wasn't worth the risk. Sure they could try to keep me pregnant for the next few weeks, but with how high the protein was and how high my blood pressure was he didn't want to take the chance of losing me or my baby. Gulp.
I asked him if now that I've had preeclampsia twice would I get it again. He told me that because I got it at the same time in pregnancy as my first and that it was just as aggressive, I can pretty much count on getting it every time. I asked him if we would be crazy to have more children. He took my hand and said he could tell me the medical side of things, but that I needed to find my answers spiritually; that it was something that needed to be decided between me, my husband, and my heavenly father. And he playfully reminded me that my prayers obviously get answered because there we were, me still pregnant and him there to deliver my baby! Have I mentioned how much I love him?!? He's the perfect doctor for me, especially with how my pregnancies go. I'm so grateful he felt comfortable enough to bring up beliefs, especially in this society, and that he can still joke around and not be completely serious.
After he left it seemed like forever before we knew when my c-section would be. It was roughly only 10am and Nick and I were still feeling like I was going to be rushed into the OR at any given moment. But then the nurses that came in and out kept saying it may not be for another day or two. It was really frustrating because when I was told first thing that morning that I was headed down for a c-section they made it sound like it was going to happen right away so Nick and I were both confused and didn't really know what to expect.
Once they hooked me up to magnesium I was absolutely miserable. I think I dreaded this part the absolute most because I hate magnesium SO SO SO much. For those that don't know and have never had the pleasure of experiencing this awful drug, let me fill you in. When it starts pumping through your system you can feel it make it's way through your entire body. It's hot and makes your veins feel like they're on fire. Stephenie Meyer quite possibly has experienced magnesium at some point in her life because the way she describes a vampire bite is almost exactly how this drug feels! I once told my doctor that and he jokingly told me my teeth looked slightly pointier! I think he's onto something. I'm slowly being turned into a vampire!
Okay, back to the story. The reason why I have to be put on magnesium is because it helps regulate my blood pressure. The bad thing about it is aside from feeling like my whole body was on fire, it also relaxes all of my muscles including my brain and tongue! It probably wasn't noticeable to anyone else, but I felt like my speech was slurred and I struggled to concentrate on anything anyone said.
They had to pump magnesium into me at a high rate for 20 minutes and then they turned it down to a much slower drip. Those 20 minutes felt like a lifetime. At one point I told Nick I could never do this again. My mouth was suddenly super dried out and my throat felt thick. I asked the nurse if I could maybe have ice chips and she said no. I started to get super nauseous so the nurse gave me one of those silly puke pans and left to get some Zofran for my IV. As soon as she left I puked all over myself. Those puke trays are seriously ridiculous! They had me laying down flat to help with my blood pressure and being pregnant and on magnesium, I couldn't quite get rolled over fast enough to have better aim. When she came back I felt pretty dumb. Nick wasn't there because he had to pass Shasta off to his sister so when the nurse came back in I had puke all over my face and gown. Okay, it really wasn't that bad, but I sure felt like it was.
In all of my stress and worry my body decided to start contracting. I was having regular contractions that were showing to be fairly strong, but I wasn't really aware of them. I could feel my stomach tightening, but it wasn't painful or even annoying. The nurse told my doctor about the contractions and he said if I was dilated he would let me try for a VBAC. Side note: when I first got pregnant my doctor and I were planning to do a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After C-Section), but there were certain conditions that would allow me to have one. It mostly depended on my cervix and if I was dilated on my own. The reason is because Pitocin causes such strong contractions and they focus on the weakest part of the uterus. Because I've had a c-section before, if I wasn't dilated on my own the weakest part of my uterus would be where my incision is which would cause uterine rupture.
So now a vaginal birth was possibly back on the table and I was feeling really uneasy about it. For two weeks I had been preparing myself for a c-section. Now the thought of a normal birth seemed incredibly frightening, even if my baby was going to be super tiny! Being on magnesium made me feel really weak. Plus, I wasn't allowed to eat anything which is hard for me on any given day, but when I'm pregnant it might as well be a death sentence. The thought of laboring for the next who knows how many hours and then pushing a baby out of my body when I was already feeling so weak and miserable was more than I was prepared for. But it was my only chance for a vaginal birth. If I had a c-section I would have c-sections with every birth and I didn't want that. So as much as I wanted and prayed for a VBAC, I suddenly didn't want the choice.
Finally the nurse checked me to see if I was dilating. Nothing. My cervix was closed. But I wasn't surprised since I had just started having contractions. She told my doctor and he said we were still going to proceed with the c-section. I told Nick that although it was disappointing, I was kind of relieved. He said he felt the same way. At this point we were both tired of the run around. It had been a long two weeks and we were ready for it to be over.
An ultra sound tech came in and watched Shelby for over half an hour. He wanted to see where her development was and most importantly he wanted to see her lungs move up and down. Of course she was completely uncooperative as she had been with every ultra sound we had with her. He had to watch her lungs for half an hour and she never took a breath. It wasn't anything to be concerned about, it was just a way of knowing if she had been practicing breathing so they could kind of get an idea of what to expect from her lungs once she was born.
After he left there was still some time to kill so I did my best to get some sleep. I put my headphones in and listened to my iPod in hopes to take my mind somewhere else. It didn't work. I was so nervous for the c-section. At one point a nurse told me it would really be best for me and my baby if I would just relax and try not to think about things. I told her that was like slitting my wrists and then telling me not to bleed. It just wasn't going to happen. I sent a friend a text who had recently had a c-section and spinal block and asked her what to expect. Next thing I knew she was calling me. She told me all about her experience and said the spinal block was no big deal. I was grateful for her call because she really put my mind at ease.
Finally the time had come. The nurse came in, helped me into a wheelchair, and rolled me into the icy OR. I climbed onto the operating table and had to lay down on my left side to receive the spinal block. I curled up into the smallest ball I could, (not an easy task when 7 months pregnant, I can't even imagine what it's like for full term women) in order to make my spine more defined along my back. Next came the needle to numb me before putting in the spinal block. Not at all a fun experience. It wasn't that it was super painful, but the way it felt kind of freaked me out. I really don't even know how to describe it. It was kind of a jerking, popping, feeling that happened maybe five or six times. Then he told me all that was left was to put the block in and I was terrified thinking there was still more! But of course I didn't feel the block go in at all. And the nice thing was it was something that didn't have to be removed like with an epidural.
Once the spinal block was in he had me roll to my back and instantly I could feel it take effect. My legs were tingly like they get when they fall asleep. Over the next 4 minutes I lost my feeling and ability to move until it was completely gone. I was numb from the breast line down and the two smallest fingers in both hands were tingly. I felt a little nauseous so the anesthesiologist pushed something through my IV and instantly I felt better. My arms were extended out, an oxygen mask was placed on my face, and a curtain was draped so I couldn't see from my chest down. Nick was sitting up by my head and held my hand. The nurse scrubbed me down and once she was done she told me I had the cleanest belly in all of Cache Valley! Then she covered all of me up except where they were going to operate.
My doctor came in and I'm not sure how many other people followed. I wasn't really aware of my surroundings. All I cared about was that Nick was there to hold my hand and the sooner we got started the sooner it'd be over. My doctor told me he was pinching me really hard and asked if I could feel it. Nope. So away he went.
I didn't have any concept of time. All I knew was it was taking longer than I wanted it to! My mind was mostly in prayer because even though everything was going well, it still freaked me out knowing I was awake while my guts were on the outside of my body! At one point my blood pressure dropped really low and I got really nauseous again. The next thing I knew I was trying to puke. I removed my oxygen mask and turned my head towards Nick. He held a puke bucket and I dry heaved over and over again for several minutes before that puking feeling finally went away. Can I just say when you can't feel from your chest down it is really difficult to try and puke!
Once my doctor could see my uterus he said he couldn't believe how thin it was. Then he peeked over the drape and said it again. He said it was thin enough he could see the amniotic fluid. Then the nurse said she was really glad they didn't let me labor and opted for the c-section and he agreed. I'm not sure what all of that means and if it's something I have to be concerned about with future pregnancies. Hopefully I'll get some answers at my 6 week check up.
Finally Shelby was out! They brought her around so I could see her and then quickly took her to work on her. I choked back tears feeling so grateful that she was here and I got to see her! They had her where I could still see what they were doing, but it wasn't the best view so I didn't pay much attention. I started to get really sleepy which kind of scared me. I didn't want to fall asleep because it felt to much like a "near death" experience!
At last it was over. They took down the drape and moved me from the operating table to a bed. That was the strangest feeling. They tipped me to the side to transfer me and I felt like I was falling, but couldn't move the lower half of my body to catch myself. I was moved into a recovery room where I had to stay for an hour before I was moved to the Mother/Baby floor. Nick went to be with Shelby for a little while since nothing exciting was going on with me anymore.
While laying there my doctor came out to tell me how brave I was. He again told me he couldn't believe how thin my uterus was and compared it to the thinness of his shirt. He said he would expect to see a uterus that thin at 39 weeks, not 32 weeks. He figured my body just decided it wasn't safe for me to be pregnant anymore and took matters into it's own hands to get the baby out.
When Nick came back I asked him if I was strapped to a board. I was covered in blankets so I couldn't see, but I pictured what you would see a person with a possible spine injury strapped to when being transferred by ambulance. Know what I'm talking about? It's funny that I thought that, but what makes it even funnier is that at one point the nurse pulled the blankets down to do who knows what to me so I lifted my head to see and my legs were bent to the side! Hahaha! I thought they were extended straight out. So very strange not to have feeling in my legs.
The time had come to move to a room. The nurse asked me if I wanted to stop and see Shelby first, but I told her I wasn't feeling up to it. I was tired, weak, and starving! Looking back I wish I would have gone because it was another day and a half before they let me see her again. That was torture, but more on that later...!
Officially:
Shelby Abigail Hendricks
Born April 8, 2013
6:57pm
3lbs 11oz
16 1/4 inches long
