Pregnancy, not my favorite thing.
I'm tired of throwing up. Although it happens less and less, it's still frustrating and I'm ready to be past it.
Acid reflux is awful.
Food never sounds good because it'll A. either make me want to throw up or B. cause acid reflux.
I had an entire day to focus on homework and house cleaning today, but instead layed around doing nothing because I've wanted to puke the whole day. And not the kind of puke to get out of doing the things I don't want to do. I really needed to focus on homework because it's going to be a busy weekend and instead couldn't concentrate on anything.
I've had two really good cries since being pregnant and both times it was because I was mentally exhausted from trying to convince myself that feeling this crappy would all be worth it in the end as so many people have told me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited to be a mom, but I can only take so much!
I've discovered I'm ticklish from the inside which is HIGHLY annoying! It's only in one spot just to the right of my left hip, but it seems that's Shasta's most favorite place to play. It doesn't matter what I do, she always goes right back to that spot.
I can't hold onto a thought to save my life. I feel like such a space cadet and I'll tell ya, it hasn't made planning and running Team Captain meetings for Relay For Life very easy. Not to mention I'll get to the Doctor's office with tons of questions and when it comes time to ask them I can't remember a single one of them. Oh, and homework has been so much fun!
My skin has broken out so bad I feel like I'm in Jr High again. It's embarrassing really.
Heat rash is anything but pleasant. If anyone has a cure I'm all ears. I'm definitely grateful I'm not pregnant in the summer... ouchie!
Why any girl would want her goods to be bigger is beyond me! I don't really feel like they've grown much, but they hurt all the time and can now rest on my belly which is gross. Bet you were dying to know that! :)
Belly hair? Really? It might just be peach fuz that is now noticable, but seriously, what's the point? My dear sweet husband has informed me that my belly is now hairier than his! Gotta love him!
According to my Doctor I gained 7 pounds in two weeks. When my face went bright red he redeemed himself by telling me I'm skinny and it's all in my belly. Still, gaining weight scares me because it's something I've never dealt with before. I officially weigh the most I ever have in all my 24 years of living and I still have 2 more months to go before this baby makes her debut. The good news is I'm only up 7 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight so far and my Doctor expected me to gain 25 lbs. Technically with all the weight I lost and have now gained back I've put on 18 lbs from my lowest pregnancy weight. Sigh.
I feel winded after climbing the stairs.
I can no longer see my toes when I stand up.
I don't know the last time my whole house has been clean at the same time.
I haven't done a single thing to prepare for Shasta's arrival. The only baby things in her room are what was given to her at my baby shower and all those things still remain in gift bags. One of these days I'll get around to putting stuff away, but first I have to junk out her closet and buy a dresser so it'll be a while before I get around to it.
I have several projects I want to get done before she comes, but they're all still sitting in the bags I brought them home from the store in. When I think about working on them I think of all the things I should be doing instead, like cleaning my house, so the bags still sit there staring at me wondering if they'll ever be more than a pile of "'round tuits". Again, sigh.
I wake up every couple of hours during the night for no apparent reason. I don't have to pee. I'm not uncomfortable. Nick isn't snoring. I just randomly wake up and lay there for what feels like ages before falling back asleep. Half the time I think I should just get up and start my day, but that means facing all of my least favorite things that much sooner and that much longer.
I think my absolute least favorite thing about pregnancy is the thought of going through all of this again. Whenever I hear someone announce they're pregnant my first thought is, "Oh you poor thing". It's hard for me to think pregnancy could be easy for some people or that some girls don't get sick. That just doesn't seem possible. And when I hear people say that their second pregnancy is so much different from their first, usually worse, I think there is no possible way I can ever do this again if it's only going to be worse the second time.
Honestly, I wish I'd had a more positive outlook on things while being pregnant, but it's really hard to find the good in being sick non stop. I should be humbled that the Lord thinks I'm so capable of enduring what feels like the hardest trial I've ever faced, but instead I find myself wondering what I did to deserve this.
I've tried to put on a brave face with my go-to responses to questions like, "how are you feeling". Responses being, "good", "can't complain", "it's hit and miss", and so on. Most people don't really care anyway, they're just making conversation. But I do wonder if my "brave face" actually fools people or if everyone thinks I'm really a big whiner (based on facebook posts) who just needs to suck it up already. There's times I feel like I never stop complaining (such as right now with this post) and then there's times when I wonder if people think I'm making it all up because they never see me when I'm sick... like at church when I fake how well I'm actually feeling or at work when I wait for my manager to leave before sitting on the bathroom floor to hover over the toilet. Guess I'll never know.
8 comments:
Sara, I feel your pain!!!! After Marcus I debated if I wanted another kid... Every one kept saying every pregnancy is different and you will probably never be that sick again, and after everything I went through to get pregnant, I thought I would get an 'easy' card! I was wrong!! Pregnancy SUCKS!!!!! I do feel some what bad being so negative this time cause I know how much I LOVE Marcus. But I am DONE being pregnant. This will be my last kid because 10 months of being sick and having NO desire to do anything sucks!!!!atleast we only have 2 1/2 months... and that SUCKS!!!!
I'm so sorry, Sara. I was really, really sick the first 4 months of my pregnancy (throwing up multiple times a day) and I remember telling Jake that if we wanted more kids that we'd have to adopt, because I have no idea how I'd do this again...especially while raising a toddler. But let me tell you that the moment where you hold your baby for the very first time is the most amazing thing you'll ever experience, and it is all worth it. I am still scared to death about getting pregnant again but after going through it before and knowing it really is all worth it in the end I know I'll do it again, and again, and probably again. :) Just keep focusing on the day that you'll be holding your sweet little girl. I promise it'll come. And that this is all worth it. :)
Sara, I can't exactly empathize 100 percent, but I DO know what it is like to have pregnancy nausea (the term "morning sickness" is simply laughable and I refuse to call it that). It was awful for me with Claire and Linus - but unlike you I got over it at about 18 weeks. I'm so sorry that isn't true for you.
I do like being pregnant, but I come from a TOTALLY different experience from yours. You have a RIGHT to think this is hard and complain about it. Go ahead and let it out!! Seriously - NO ONE thinks you are a wimp and should just suck it up. In fact, it makes me feel AWFUL when I read how terrible you are doing. It makes me feel guilty that I get over my sickness when other poor moms have to suffer.
As for subsequent pregnancies being different - that's so true. All 3 of mine have been different, but that doesn't mean harder. So, whoever told you THAT - just block it out. Some things were harder in later pregnancies, and some were easier. It just depends. In the nausea department I have heard for the most part that mothers who are super ill the first pregnancy usually do better the second time around. :) That's something to focus on. I know you think right now you'll never want to have kids again, and if you don't - so be it!! But, I PROMISE you, like everything awful in life, the memory will FADE. It will not vanish, you'll always remember that it was awful, you just won't remember quite HOW awful.
I'm sorry about the pretending thing - I know what you mean. Sometimes it's just easier to put on a happy face and pretend that you are okay. And if you've only cried 2 times than you are AMAZING. I cried over being sick with Claire and Linus a lot and although with Deirdre it was so much better I still cried once or twice. I'm a boob like that.
As for your hoohas getting bigger - hehehe, that cracks me up. Just wait until you start to nurse. I always feel so weird for the first couple of weeks when my bust is HUGE compared to my normal self. And the resting on stomach thing - I hear you. So weird!
As for weight gain - don't sweat it baby. I gained 35 lbs with Claire and Deirdre and 40 with Linus and I didn't EVER lose a pound while being pregnant. :) It is scary, and I won't lie - I cried at SEVERAL appointments when I'd gained 12 lbs in just 4 weeks. You should be proud of yourself for gaining 7 lbs in 2 weeks, that's what your baby needs. And it WILL come off, one way or another. I actually felt a sense of extreme accomplishment and satisfaction when I FINALLY got my baby weight off from Linus. With Claire it came right off with no effort on my part, with Linus I had to work for it and that made it fabulous.
Again - complain away, everyone knows how horrible pregnancy can be. I won't tell you that the time will pass quickly, because it probably won't. But, it WILL pass.
And to answer your question - I started doing General Conference things with Claire when she was 2 1/2.
Sorry that comment was so long....
I guess i dont have anything encouraging to say because i have been there and there is nothing really to say. Every person and every pregnancy is different so i can say that i relate but i cant. The one thing that i did on the days that really sucked is i thought of all the girls i knew who couldnt have babies. The ones who tried for years and were eventually told they would never hold a baby in their bellys. I would then read their blogs, such as angie from high school, and think to myself she never gets to feel a baby inside herself, never gets a baby with her husbands nose, never gets a baby with her little smile. I figure the pain she endures is harder then the pain of throwing up for 9 months.
I know that may not help and you'll probably say but it still sucks to be pregnant and it does. But coming from someone that is planing on having a 2nd one very soon, maybe you'll change your mind. but dont think about it now. take one day at a time and enjoy shasta and dont think about having another one or so on. you know i love you, keep your head up.
You are almost there!! You just have to think now that all will magically fade away once little baby is here!! I love your belly band by the way.. you did a great job. and really, my second pregnancy wasn't much worse.. I actually think it was better than the first one! - the only things that were different 1. having a little boy to chase after while being preggo and 2. in between the legs pretty much hurt from 26 on if I walked around too much. But it dissapeared once I had clara! BUUUUT you're probably not even going to be close to thinking about another baby for QUITE some time!!
good luck!!
I was way sick the whole time with Jorgan. Felt the same way about getting pregnant again... "Who the heck would want to do that?!" There is hope :) The second time around for me has been SO MUCH better! Not going to lie and say I haven't thrown up at all, but once or twice a day for me is bearable compared to round the clock with Jorgan (and what you've been going through). They are totally worth it, which is why I bet you'll eventually want to have more than one kid (although apprehensively). Keep you're head up, it'll get better, I promise! Being a mom is the hardest, most wonderful thing you will ever do and for me I think a hard pregnancy prepared me for that. Hope this helped... YOU'RE AMAZING! :)
Eh, as someone who has suffered from infertility.. i thought when i actually got pregnant that getting that way was the hard part! I thought i would for sure love it after everything that i had been through. Nope... theres not a day in that pregnancy that went by that i didnt hate it... and didnt wish for my due date to hurry faster! Pregnancy sucks... complain about it all you want i'll listen... Its your right....
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