People I "Secretly" Admire!

I say "secretly" because after writing this and making it public for anyone to read, it kind of eliminates "secret" from the equation. But it is also something that will continue to build and grow within me as I watch and learn from these people so in a way it will still remain a secret. I wanted to write these thoughts down because as far as journaling goes, I like to imagine a hundred years from now my posterity will read my journals and feel inspired from them, but also I want the people included in this post to know what kind of impact they have in shaping and molding me into a better person.

I recently had a cousin, Jordan Paige, tell me that I inspired her to nurse her baby. She reminded me of a time when our two families had dinner with Nick's grandma and played games after. At the time she was pregnant and Shasta was roughly 8-9 months old. Apparently while we were playing games I slipped on a nursing cover and nursed Shasta at the table without interrupting the game or pausing to go in another room to feed her. She told me that witnessing that eliminated some of her nursing fears and made her realize that she could do it too. Okay, I probably fluffed the story a little, but I LOVED that she told me that I'm the one who gave her courage and confidence to nurse her own child; especially when she has a lot of sisters in both her own family and her husband's that she can look up to. Her telling me that made me feel really good and it's something I've thought a lot about since.

So my goal is to let certain people in my life know the impact they've had on me and hopefully give them those same warm, fuzzy feelings I got when Jordan shared her story! The problem is there are SO many people I could include in this entry that I've decided to narrow it down to a specific few, some of which will be lumped into groups. And I hope I don't offend anyone for not including them; that obviously isn't my goal. And to soften the blow and clear up any confusion for why this person won't be included in this post, I will not be writing about my husband at this time. He obviously impacts my life in more ways than any little blurb can cover, so he will be getting an entire entry all to himself. In fact, I started writing it a little while ago, but he's such a special person to me that I don't know how I can possibly finish it or call it good enough to make it a public post. I can't possibly do my feelings justice by trying to put them into words, so it's not something as easily written as I had once hoped. Woe is me for marrying such an amazing person that I'm struggling to write about his amazingness, all while trying to leave out the mush and still show how amazingly amazing he is! If, at this very moment, you're thinking 'good luck with that'... yeah, me too!

So in no particular order; here we go...

Amber Petersen is my most treasured friend and I love her like a sister. We've been friends since late elementary school and we were pretty much inseparable from the first time we met at church when her family moved into my ward. Even though I was a grade older than her and we spent two years in different schools (when I started Junior High and again when I started High School), our friendship was still strong. I've often wondered how I would have turned out if I didn't have Amber's influence in my life. I've even adopted some of her family's traditions that she had growing up because they were practically my traditions too since we spent so much time together. I feel comfortable telling her absolutely anything because she will give me an outsider's perspective without judging. It's hard sometimes to live so far apart, but when we're together it's like we were never separated. We pick right back up where we left off with the only differences being that we're a little older, have taken a few more rides on the crazy train, and there's always another child added to the mix. Literally for the last four years there's been a new child for one of us to meet each time we get together; and that trend still continues as there is a new little one for me to meet. Either she's popping kids out left and right, or we only see each other once a year. I'll let you decide! But even though we live so far apart, Amber continues to influence my life and lifts me up when I need it most.

Mine and Nick's siblings probably don't know this, but I have learned so much from them, particularly by way of parenting. All of them have contributed to how I parent my own children, including my brother. I once watched him handle a minor bullying situation between his grandkids and I was really impressed with how he approached it and how he comforted the grandchild that was being picked on. I look up to all my siblings and it's always the little things that I notice in passing that leave the biggest impressions with me. Even though I don't get to see my family regularly, it's so fun for me when I get to spend time with them in Arizona and see the amazing moms they've become. I've seen them do things with their kids that I've implemented in my own home and have seen positive results from doing so. And I get to see Nick's sisters parent their children on a regular basis and I take so much from their calm demeanor and loving approach. They all seem to have mastered refraining from reacting on impulse and instead take each rough moment in stride. I still have so much to learn as a parent so I guess it's good I have so many wonderful examples to help me along.

Nick's sister, Kaleena, is an amazing example to me. Of all our siblings, I probably learn the most from her because I spend the most time with her, but basically everything I've learned in all my child development classes, I see her execute daily. Maybe I admire her so much because I see all those theories put into action, but really if I could be half the mom she is, I'd consider myself a pretty great mom. She's so good with positive reinforcement, redirection, and most importantly, patience. There have been countless times that I've seen her handle a situation and I've logged it away so I can remember to do the same when I find myself in the same position. And countless other times I've seen her parent her daughter and I've thought, 'seriously, why can't I think of these things'. Clearly my brain doesn't work the same way as hers! And although I don't think I'm a bad mom per se, it's always the little things I observe from her and mine and Nick's other siblings that help me become a better mom.

Jaime Christiansen is someone I've become friends with over the last couple of years. I feel like friends are hard to come by in a college town where everyone moves away once they graduate, and it kills me to think her time is coming... sooner than I'll ever be ready for! Jaime has twin girls the same age as Shasta so our friendship has developed through play dates and church activities. Even though our conversations are always in broken English due to always being interrupted by children, I really enjoy spending time with her and watching her with her girls. Having twins that are three, a son who is roughly a year and a half younger, and a new puppy, you can bet things get a little crazy from time to time, and yet she handles things in such a calm manner. She's always willing to haul her kids around to parks and play dates, host our book club, and come to church even when her husband is working. She's a great example to me of not letting life get in the way of doing the things that matter. It's easy for me to fall into a slump of not wanting to do things because my husband is always working and I have to manage two kids alone, but through watching her I've realized I can't let life pass me by because of the current stage we're in. I brave a lot more outings alone and I feel a lot more social because of it and a lot of that credit goes to watching Jaime do it!

My sister Kiley has been dealt a pretty crummy hand recently and I can't help but admire her courage. Now isn't the time to go into any details about her situation, especially when the news is still so new and uncertain. I learned of her circumstance just last night so I still haven't even begun to digest all that she told me, but one thing is for sure, my sister is amazing. She is a prime example to me of choosing to be happy. The next few months will be rocky and it is impossible to know the outcome or see what the future holds, but her faith and testimony in our Savior, Jesus Christ, are clearly at the forefront of the battle she is facing. When I told her it's time for her family to cry 'Uncle' already, she responded with, "We're not quitters. It isn't easy to go through this, but in the end it bonds us girls and pulls us closer together". (She's talking about her two daughters). Even as I relive this conversation that I had with her last night it makes my eyes swell with tears. She is an amazing example to me and as much as I wish I could take her trials away from her and shield her girls from the emotional roller coaster they unexpectedly stepped onto, I know that they will exit the ride as stronger people and a closer family.

At first I wasn't going to include Amy Barton because it seemed obvious that I would admire her for what she's accomplished, but then I realized she probably doesn't know how I feel. Amy is the youngest of 6 children and the first to graduate from college. She also worked as an English teacher at the high school we graduated from which, that alone makes her seem so grown up and at a completely different place in life than me. And as if that isn't enough to admire, she's currently working on her Masters Degree in Ohio of all places. Her accomplishments in school have helped motivate me to keep plugging along. And when I was overcome with joy that there's a light at the end of the tunnel for my schooling, she was the first person I celebrated with (through texting) because I knew she would understand and give me the added boost I need to stick with it and finish. Amy and I haven't kept in touch as much as we would have liked since graduating high school, but we've recently rekindled our long, lost connection and it's been good to have her back in my life! I'm sure working on her Masters Degree sucks up a lot of her time and she's also planning her wedding, and yet, she recently took time out of her busy schedule to answer a boatload of questions I had about becoming a published author. It wasn't something she had to do and yet it meant a lot to me that she did. I never dreamed our lives would take us so far from our roots in Arizona, but I couldn't feel more proud of who we've both become.

Erin Bryan is an incredible person inside and out. She is an amazing mother and there's no doubt that her boys mean the world to her. She is one of those friends that it doesn't matter how much time passes between chats, we still pick up where we left off and keep going. I really admire the way Erin has handled some of the hardships she's faced in her life, particularly with her pregnancies. She's gone through some things that were in no way easy, and yet it never seemed to hold her back. She took what God gave her and kept trekking on. I admire her strength to keep going and her ability to stay so positive in the process.

Krista Shawcroft has been an amazing example to me over the last year or so of a true disciple of God and yet I often wonder if she even knows who I am! Her family lived down the street from mine for a short time and her brother was technically my first kiss (we were 10), but being that she was older than me we never really had any connection. I really only know Krista through Facebook and her blog and yet she has left a lasting impression with me. I can honestly say I don't know why she buried one of her newborns, or why her youngest was born prematurely, but one thing I do know is the relationship she has with Heavenly Father is strong and everlasting. Her blog is real, her feelings raw with emotion that I can feel her compassion in every word she writes. I've learned so much as I've watched her face her trials head on and endure to the end. I only hope I can demonstrate half the courage she did (and has) the next time I go through my (far less) traumatic pregnancy trials!

I feel so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. I have so many people to look up to and strive to be more like. And there are countless others I could include. Much like I was taken by surprise with what Jordan told me, there are several people I have in mind who would feel that same surprise; especially those who I don't have much of a relationship with. It's amazing how much influence people can have on me through simple things I observe in passing. Does that make me sound like a creepy stalker?! Don't answer that. Since this post is already a novel, I think I'll call it good for now. At the end of the day, my life is richly blessed!