I Want To Burst From Every Seam!

A few weeks after Shasta came home from the hospital I got hit with Post Partum Trauma Aftershock. (I just made that up. I don't know what was really wrong with me!) I called my doctor but the soonest I could get in to see him was a month out so they wrote me a prescription based on what I told them. I never went and got it filled because I didn't feel like that was the answer I was looking for. (Turns out it was depression medication so I'm glad I didn't get it filled because I know depression isn't what was wrong with me.)

Back to the title. I want to burst from every seam because I'm finally feeling normal again! With the exception of all the crap my family (parents and siblings) is dealing with at the moment... a post probably meant to stay in my journal for now. At least until all is said and done.

Anyway. Nick and I went through a lot with having Shasta, obviously. Everyone always told me I must have been so scared and to be honest, I never was. I never gave into my fears because I trusted the Lord. Sure I cried from time to time, (the day I was discharged was by far the hardest) but I never had any reason to think the worst. My goal was to be positive through everything because I knew that was best for her.

Skipping forward to her coming home. After all was said and done everything sunk in and I was hit with the aftershock. I couldn't wrap my head around all that had happened and it was really weighing on me. I cried a lot to say the least. Every possible what-if scenario went through my head on top of all the things I wished I could have done differently. It was really hard for me to come to terms with everything that had happened and accept it all. I felt like my head was constantly in the hospital, replaying every detail over and over again. I was having a hard time moving on so I finally decided to call my doctor. And when I couldn’t get an appointment I decided to take matters into my own hands (without use of medication).

Fast forwarding to today. I can’t tell you how blessed I feel. I’m finally feeling normal again and I’m absolutely loving life. From the beginning Nick and I were able to recognize all the blessings we received as things were happening, but it’s nice to look back and really see the Lord’s hand in our lives that brought us to where we are now. There are a lot of other things going on with my family right now that are hard to understand and bring a lot of sadness, but at least there’s one thing checked off my stress list. Yay for finally moving on! In the words of Agnes from Despicable Me: “[I’m] so [happy] I could die!” (Okay, so they’re not exactly her words, but just picture her saying it. And if you haven’t seen the movie and therefore don’t know what I’m talking about; first, shame on you! :) and second, go see it!!! I highly recommend!)